how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
