nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
