Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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