my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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