Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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