So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Randomize
