eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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