As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
