Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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