GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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