I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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