I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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