and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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