So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
