I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
