You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
