Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
