I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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