dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
