What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
