Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
