Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
