i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
