allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Found your dick twin last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
