I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties