where am i from again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
worst night to have a conscience
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her