You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.