she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
