Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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