I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
3 2 1 whiskey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
