Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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