He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
