Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
