census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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