She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
