Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
