well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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