My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
