In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
