No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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