i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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