worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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