They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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