About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
