Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
