she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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