Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
