Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
