with your own penis?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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