i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dick very happy bro
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
