every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
