Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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