Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
