Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
