I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
