All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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