So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
not ubering you a puppy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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