You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
