You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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