She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
