An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
