Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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