it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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