Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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