She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
