i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
