I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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