every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
