I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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