I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
