actually, I'm a sock model
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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