Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
