i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
