I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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