I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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