I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
