i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
