I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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